Defy Science: Be a Happy Mom!

This cover article in New York magazine made me feel despicably guilty of the crimes in parenting it outlined, based on copious amounts of psychological research. The article was advertised as “I Love My Kids. I Hate My Life.” It’s something I would never say out loud, but I do confess, I sometimes think. My girls bring joy and purpose to my life, but also a great deal of stress, frustration, and never-ending, tedious chores. One of the points of this article is that today’s parents are no longer the bosses of their children, but rather, it’s the other way around. Whereas parents used to enlist their children to help work the farm or run the shop, today’s children are protected and privileged by their parents; they’re depended upon to reach never-before-seen levels of achievement, both academic and athletic. Parents today are more put out by their children than ever before: our marriages suffer more, and our own happiness takes a huge blow.

There is hope, though: these studies that prove that having children actually decreases your happiness–and there are many of them, do not measure long-term rewards, simply happiness, which is after all, a transient state.  One psychologist pointed out that if we stop and think about what our children mean to us, we realize how happy they make us, what great joy they’ve brought to our lives. The problem is, the majority of the time, we don’t think about that; we think about what we’re going to fix them for lunch, or why in the world the baby won’t stop fussing, or any other of the myriad monotonous, laborious or just plain gross chores that come with parenting.

So I challenge you today: stop and think. Realize that by having children, we are fulfilling God’s purpose for mankind, and it’s our choice whether we enjoy it or not. Be silly with your kids. Don’t just distract them; enjoy them. Seize on the everyday moments that make us truly happy, and remember them when the going gets tough. When the here-and-now of parenting is ridiculously hard, think about what a funny story it will make to tell someone later, or what a great lesson it is, and just ride it out. You’ll be going against the odds, but isn’t that what Christians do?  People of the world don’t enjoy trials, but Christians are supposed to. In fact, trials should be a joy to us, because they produce endurance, making us perfect and complete (James 1:2-4). Defy science: Be a happy mom!