A Ph.d in Motherhood

My thesis is titled “Mothering While Worshiping: Heart for the Lord, hands for my girls.” I’ve taken doctoral courses in easy day crafts and healthy lunches, but in my undergraduate years, I certainly had to overcome the usual first-year foibles of heavy TV watching, staying up too late playing, and poor time management. My studies take up almost all of my time, so no wonder I sometimes find it difficult to clean house or squeeze in some exercise. I occasionally have tried to get my roommate to do a project for me, or attend my classes for a half-day, to give myself a break, but I’m never quite as satisfied with the results as if I’d done it myself.

Motherhood sometimes seems like it takes very little brainpower: our daily tasks seem tedious and monotonous; I sometimes wonder if a monkey could do what I do just as well. But then I call in a substitute for my job, and it becomes apparent that I am irreplaceable. That’s because I’ve been training for this position for three years now–almost long enough to have earned a Ph.d. Sure, my husband takes some night courses here and there, but he’s logged nowhere near as many hours as I have. This is a position that only I am qualified for, and no matter how much I envy women who practice law or run magazines, the truth is I have a job that is every bit as challenging, exhilarating, and rewarding as they do. Sure there are dull moments and parts of the job that are icky, but what job doesn’t have its drawbacks? I encourage you today to appreciate your unique qualifications and intense training for your job. And study hard. While I am at the top of the field of “My Girls,” I still have a lot to learn!

The Many Faces of Mom

Sometimes I have to reassure myself I don’t have multiple personality disorder: One minute, I’m playing jellyfish with Claire in the bathtub, giggling and singing silly songs, and only a few minutes later, I’m chastising her for not cooperating, threatening a spanking. Timeouts can bring out the crazy in both of us, as Claire is loathe to sit alone in her room without throwing an all-out temper tantrum. Conversely, teaching her numbers and letters is something we both enjoy, as I am gratified watching her learn and grow, and she loves the one-on-one attention and mental stimulation.

We all know that moms and dads wear many hats, but it’s also important that our children are never fearful of an unpredictable mood swing, or uncertain of what kind of consequences to expect. Consistency is important, but so are the many faces of mom: the playtime mom, the teaching mom, the disciplinarian mom, the cuddly mom. We certainly change as the situation requires, but we still remain our essential selves: that completely unique person God created to parent this child.

So many parenting experiences can teach us about the  nature of God, like the changing face of Mom. Like a curious toddler asking, “Why?”, we so often ask God how He, the loving and merciful God, could let such atrocities happen in our world. Why do children have to suffer and die from lack of clean water? Why do natural disasters claim the lives of hundreds? Why do drunk drivers crash into family vehicles? Although our children might think we can answer every question, and do anything, the truth is, we can’t answer these tough ones, nor can we save innocent lives. But God knows why, and He could save people if He chose. So why doesn’t He? How can He offer to save all those who believe on His name (John 20:31), and yet let innocent people suffer and die on this earth?

Just as we make parenting decisions based on our children’s need for instruction, for protection, for discipline, and for love, so does God. It doesn’t mean we change our nature: we become who our children need us to be. God seems different at times in the Bible: Old Testament God versus New Testament, Jesus versus God; and He can seem different based on His actions in today’s world. But He is the same. He never changes. He does what His children require. It might not look like love to us, just as timeouts don’t seem like a manifestation of love to a toddler. And what’s more, He doesn’ t fall victim to human parents’ lapses in patience and temper. The many faces of Mom are unfortunately shaded by mom’s personal failings, although I hope I can say that most of my mom personas are adopted based on my child’s needs. But all of God’s choices–or faces– are motivated by pure love for His creation. He knows what’s best for us, and that’s what he always does (Romans 8:28).

Finding Your Passion

If you couldn’t tell from my previous post, I love words. I’m a writer, so this passion for words comes with the territory. Take that word passion, for instance. I use it here to mean enthusiasm, but it’s actually from the Latin word passio, which means the suffering of Christ. In the New Testament, the Greek word that today translates as passion, pascho, was then translated as “suffer,” as in “Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you” (1 Peter 2:21).

Today, the American Heritage Dictionary defines passion as ardent love or boundless enthusiasm. Amazing how time can change the meaning of the word, huh? Or has it really changed that much?  Aren’t those the same feelings that motivated Christ to suffer for us? His powerful love, his enthusiasm for our souls, compelled Him to die on the cross, to go through unimaginable sufferings.  He was truly passionate about us.

I could apply the word passion to many things in my life: my family and friends, studying the Bible, writing, words, even desserts and Jane Austen! But let’s think about the old definition: What are you passionate about? What, or who, are you willing to suffer for?

How Do You Spell Discipline?

I’m enjoying one of my favorite summer TV events this week: The National Spelling Bee! I am a total word-nerd, and these kids are amazing! It’s such a fun age to watch in action (10-14), and their knowledge is astounding. I’ve seen them spell out a four-syllable word without even asking for the definition (you can tell they studied that one), or break down a word you can tell they didn’t know by its language roots and come up with the correct spelling. Some of these kids are fluent in another language, are also whizzes in music or math, and one didn’t even learn English until she was in kindergarten!

But these kids have to be devoted to spelling. Some people might think spending a couple hours a day learning Greek and Latin roots and reading the dictionary is a complete waste of time for a kid who could be playing outside or reading novels. But I think these Bee kids are destined for greatness, because they have learned how to pursue a goal.

One of the finalists, a 13-year-old boy from North Dakota, said in an interview that the reason he likes to spell is because it teaches him discipline, that if you work hard at something, you can get what you want. I love that. I love that an adolescent can apply himself or herself to a task that is often tedious and whose rewards are few because they have a desire to achieve something. We virtually virtuous women spend a great portion of our time doing things just as inane as learning Greek roots (but require significantly less brainpower): putting Velcro fruit back together, slathering bread with peanut butter, playing Memory, braiding hair etc., etc., etc. But like these Spelling Bee kids, we have to keep our eyes on the prize: raising good kids! I love Colossians 3:22-24, which tells us that when we’re doing work for earthly masters (even tiny ones!), we should do our work with “sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.” Whatever we’re doing, we’re to do it heartily! The Greek word that is translated here as heartily is psyche, which means “breath of life” or soul. How do you slather peanut butter using all your breath of life and your soul? There’s as many different ways to do that as there are people! You could sing a song of praise while you do it, if you have the energy; you can pray silently if you don’t; if you’re a writer, you can consider ways to begin the article you’re working on, or book ideas, or blog ideas. You can shout out rhyming words with your preschooler or make funny sounds for your baby. All while making the best PB&J (or PB&Honey, as my daughter prefers) you can!

So like those spelling bee kids, apply yourself to every task, doing it with your soul, for the Lord, not for men. Your discipline will pay off, in this life and the next.

Fearing Your Child

I’m not afraid of that pint-sized ankle-biter! You might say when you see this title. (Let’s hope you don’t refer to your child in my rude terms at least!) But have you ever found yourself making a parenting decision based on fear for how your child could react if he or she is disappointed?  This is the situation that King Saul once faced when it came to obeying God’s command to utterly destroy the Amalekites. The Israelites thought it made more sense to take the Amalekites’ King Agag prisoner, and the best of the Amalekites’ possessions, and make them into an offering to God. That makes sense, Saul thought. And the people are the ones I’m here to serve. But serving is not the same as pleasing. Saul might have seen that his people could easily turn into an angry mob if he didn’t give them what they wanted: he said he “feared the people and obeyed their voice” (1 Samuel 15:24).

There have definitely been times when I could tell that things could turn ugly with Claire if I didn’t give her what she wanted. But parents have a job to train up their children to be God’s servants, and we have to make decisions based on that goal, not on our children’s whims and desires.

Saul feared the people, and made a popular choice, instead of following God’s commands. We too, have the command to train up our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). It can be difficult to discern the times when obedience from our children is paramount, and times when a peaceful household or a happy child is more important. The key is to keep sight on what is best for our children’s characters, instead of what might be the consequences of our decisions or commands. So go forth and be a godly parent: No fear!